J. Edgar Hoover might have felt proud
Of guidelines recently updated
To make alternative sex allowed
For agents who can now speak out loud
About sex acts once deemed X-rated.
Yentas said J. Edgar wore a dress,
An act they considered out-of-bounds,
But now agents would rarely confess
To quaintness J. Edgar’s ghost would bless,
Because old-fashioned is all it sounds.
FBI staffing has become light
Since D. Trump sent so many packing;
Now purchasing ladies of the night
Or having sex with cows is all right,
With the administration’s backing.
*****
Poet’s note: The second coming of Trump led to a promised purge at federal agencies, including the Federal Bureau of Investigation, where the president claimed corruption abounded. Suddenly, the agency had too few agents, so someone needed to take action. Who knew that the answer would be legitimizing corruption—even bestiality and human trafficking—for those seeking to replace the banished agents?
See: “At the FBI, a history of hiring prostitutes or stealing from employer may no longer be a barrier to being hired” by Sarah N. Lynch and Daniel Klaidman,” CBS News, 28 August 2026.